Leadership in the 21st Century - What is Conscious Leadership?

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome everyone. Welcome back. Tonight we're going to delve right into, um, his name is DavidHawkins. I always want to [00:01:00] put a G on it, but it's David Hawkins. He has a whole series of books, but one is called Power Versus Force, and it's a book that talks about, obviously, the difference between using, you know, exerting power and force to, I guess, motivate other people.

But in one of his books, and I'm pretty sure it's Power Versus Force, right? But he's got another book called The Map of Consciousness Explained. He has a book that explains what he describes as these different levels of consciousness. And we've alluded to it in some of our past episodes, and we've promised that we're going to get to it, so tonight we're going to get into it.

And before we do that, I think I'll take this opportunity to explain a little bit about one of the primary programs that I provide, and then Meltem can provide the overview of one of her program that she provides, and then we'll jump into the map, [00:02:00] and we will put it up so you can see it. Um, but I got introduced to this idea of conscious leadership from somebody that I've, um, Jonathan Falk, he was at a mastermind.

that I participate in, and he, you know, he brought up this idea of conscious leadership, and I was kind of going down the road of servant leadership, and I was like, well, is it like servant leadership? And he's like, no. I'm like, is it like quiet leadership? And he's like, no. And I'm like, okay, then what is it?

And he's like, I can't explain it. I'm like, okay, so you're the expert on conscious leadership, and you can't explain it to me. So.I've been doing lots of research into it, but the program that I've chosen to develop along the lines of leadership is called Harmonic Leadership, because I do like quiet leadership, which is just simply learning to be a little more empathetic, you know, kind of Taking leadership [00:03:00] from a, instead of like, Hey, I'm here.

I'm in charge. Let's, let's go, you know, rah, rah, rah, kind of thing. It is definitely a more toned down approach to just trying to really get to know the people that you're leading. and helping them achieve their goals. And then there's always servant leadership, which I'm sure many of you are familiar with, which is all about just making sure that you are actually serving the people that you're leading and, you know, enticing them to want to, um, be a part of whatever it is you're trying to organize and move forward with.

And then there's this whole idea of conscious leadership. And it really is based on these levels of consciousness at its core. So on that note, I'm going to turn it over to Meltem and let her run, run with it from there.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, I think it would be a good place to start. So maybe just have a broad discussion [00:04:00] on consciousness.

That's helpful. And, you know, I don't think that we're going to solve the answer of consciousness because there have been some really great minds throughout history who have not been able to answer this clearly or come to any sort of consensus. So let's perhaps start there with, uh, just having a discussion on what consciousness is, what it could be, different ideas and interpretations, and why it might be.

important to increase our levels of consciousness. So yeah, what are your, what are some of your thoughts around what is consciousness in the context of what we're speaking about anyway, Cheryl?

Oh, I was going to say, I mean, I have read so many books and articles on consciousness and the first thing that always comes to my mind is people think when you're conscious, are you awake, you know?

Are you alert? Are you, you know, from a [00:05:00] medical perspective? And if I'm unconscious, I'm like, you know, unable to communicate with the world around me. But if I'm conscious, I'm at least able to communicate with the world around me. And don't ask me why this book came up, because I haven't read it, but my husband has read it.

And he's told me all about it. It's like his favorite book. It's called The Bicameral Mind. Have you ever read it? No. Oh, he, it's a very, um, dense, very, very dense book, but it just talks about consciousness on some level, but it's about the different, it's obviously we, when we're going to talk about, there's multiple levels, like I don't know, eight, nine levels, something like that, where the bicameral mind only has two levels.

There's kind of the, let's go back to Freud, the ego and the non ego part of your, of your mind, the part that you consciously are aware and you control what happens around you. And then there's [00:06:00] the part that's not so conscious and what happens around you. .

Yeah, it's interesting. I haven't heard of that book, and I think awareness or how I think about consciousness and how I teach it and, and how it relates to practical application in people's lives has a lot to do with your level of awareness, uh, and, and how aware you are.

of yourself and how aware you are of the environment around you. So there's this, I think it might be a Zen analogy or from some, something from some sort of Eastern tradition where, you know, they give an example of a man in a, in a forest holding an ax. And it's like, where does, where does the man and, and the ax begin?

And where does the ax And, and where does the external environment begin? So is it like you're holding the axe and the impact of the axe or your [00:07:00] range of awareness is, you know, where you're standing? Or is it where you throw the axe? You know, is that kind of the range of your awareness? Or is it if he starts running, you know, like where, where do you and your impact begin?

and connection with the environment around you. Where does it stop and where does it begin? It's hard, it's hard to tell. So it shifts and it moves depending on, on how you're thinking and how, how broad you can think and how involved you can be with what's going on around you. So I think the, the reason that I think that this conversation of consciousness is important is because When your awareness is limited, the amount of information that you can take in is limited.

And therefore the amount of impact that you can have in the environment around you is also limited. So it's like perspective. If we think of perspective, like a vision, like a funnel, how wide is that funnel of what you can [00:08:00] see? So if you're, if you're less conscious, if you're less aware, then what you're taking in is, is much more narrow.

Whereas if you've freed up some bandwidth and awareness and space then what information that you can take in is a bit wider and therefore you're able to have more impact and influence, uh, internally and externally, actually, so bringing more light to what's going on within you, why you're doing the things within you and having more of a thoughtful impact in the environments around you as well.

Yes, the first thing that kind of comes to my mind is, um, when you're talking about the funnel and kind of going back to the quiet leadership, servant leadership side of things is when you're not leading in those methods or even conscious leadership in those modalities or whatever, you're in that narrow part of the funnel.

But as soon as you go into these other modalities, you have to expand your, your field [00:09:00] of vision because you're no longer looking at yourself. You're no longer saying, you know, for example, if I'm a CEO of a company, I'm like, I've got all these, you know, things, metrics, I have to meet all these KPIs. I'm going to have all these people.

And how am I going to get, you know, all these people to meet all these metrics and, you know, make all this money or whatever it is you're trying to do as a CEO. You're still. You're looking inward, whereas if you kind of go, if you broaden your perspective and you go, hey, it's I've got all these people out here and they all have, you know, different needs and different desires and different, you know, things going on in their lives.

You know, how can we take these same goals, but make them maybe a joint effort, as opposed to just me saying, hey, these are my goals. These are the metrics we need to meet this quarter, and so this is how we're going to do it, and I'm going to give you some [00:10:00] rah rah cheerleading sessions, and hopefully, you know, we're all going to accomplish what it is we want to do.

Or really, what it is I want to do. But this consciousness It seems to me to kind of broaden that funnel and say, Hey, a broader field of vision.

Agree. And I think you can take that infinitely, you know, you can then expand that outwards and say, well, as an enterprise, as an organization, as a community, as a club, as a group, what are we here for?

What do we stand for? And how do we show up in the world as an entity with the right impact as well? So, you know, and, and we've spoken about this in previous discussions as well. The philosophy that I ascribe to is that it starts within you. So, and I'm sure that you have as well, but I've taught a lot of leadership programs and done a lot of coaching and mentoring of leaders of businesses throughout my career and the [00:11:00] traditional approach to teaching, let's say something like empathy or emotional intelligence.

Transcripts, for example, is a very outwardly focused skill. So these are really important skills. And, and when you traditionally incorporate, you teach empathy or emotional intelligence or you teach resilience, let's say, or how to take your teams through change or how to build resilience in your teams.

It's, it's very outwardly focused. It's like, do this for them and, and create this kind of environment or show up like this and ask these types of questions and, and all of that kind of stuff. And, and what I found personally in those scenarios is if a person doesn't have an anchor within themselves of what that feeling and experience is, That they are trying to create externally.

The puzzle pieces don't fall into place. You can give them all the tools, but it's, it's academic because they don't have that feeling, or they haven't connected to that feeling or that [00:12:00] experience within themselves first to be able to go, Oh, that's what empathy feels like. Oh, this is what resilience feels like to then go, well, how can I create an environment as a leader for the people that I'm responsible for?

Outwardly, you know, and I think that's kind of why, to me, this idea of conscious leadership or self discovery, doing the inner work, however you'd like to reference it, is so important. It's because rather, rather than starting from, I'm trying to change and influence something out there, you start from within yourself and find the feeling, connect to the feeling, understand.

How to create that feeling for others and then show up in the world as that because then it's not artificial, you know, then you're actually coming from a place of care and compassion and it's effective and you're doing it because you know that it's the best thing to do that's in everybody's interest rather than, you know, just doing it because someone told [00:13:00] you or doing it because that's what the leadership booklet or leadership training course tells you to do because someone's got a KPI against it.

Exactly. And I don't know why this may not have, you know, totally aligned with what you just said, but it just came to my mind was, um, I'm sure we've all heard of Brene Brown and all of her on being vulnerable and all that. I love Brene Brown. Um, and Years ago, I used to, um, volunteer and teach and work with families of people who have mental health challenges.

Their loved ones have mental health challenges. And what I used to tell them, because these family members would be so frustrated, because they just couldn't get in the head of their loved one who had a mental health challenge. They were like, I have no idea. You know, and so they always were trying to solve their problem from their own perspective, like, why aren't you behaving the way I expect you to behave?

This is the way, this [00:14:00] is the quote, normal way to behave. And you're not, you're behaving outside of those norms. And so the analogy or story I always gave them, and I came from Brene Brown, and one of the things I was reading from her was what empathy really is. is, you know, let's say you're at the, we've not talked about this last week or the week before, but you know, you're, it's like, if somebody falls down in a hole, And it's your friend or whatever and you're walking, you know, behind them and you're like, Oh, I want to get you out of that hole.

But our instinct is to like, okay, how can I like maybe lay on the ground and, you know, put my arms down and pull you up? Or maybe I'll put a ladder down there and, you know, you can climb up the ladder. I'm talking with my hands all the time, as you can tell. Um, or. Okay, I can't help you right now, so here I'm going to throw some food down, and I'm going to go get somebody else, you know, have that food while [00:15:00] you're waiting, and I'll, I'll go find somebody else that might be able to help us.

When they said, no, what empathy is, as opposed to sympathy, I'm feeling really sorry that you're down in that hole, but empathy is like, no, I am going to get down in that hole with you, and once you get down in that hole with somebody, Then you can all of a sudden see life through their eyes. You can see life from their perspective.

You now have the same kind of field of vision. And so, you know, if I want to

get people to engage, I need to get down there on their, and I hate to say it on their level, but down in the hole with them, and see what it is they're seeing, and how they're seeing it. Because then I can better communicate You teach all these leadership programs with all these communication skills or whatever.

The best communication skills are just simply, Hey, I can relate to what you're, you [00:16:00] know, experiencing.

Yes. And that we can link this clip in the show notes. It's one of my favorite, favorite clips from Renee Brown is that exact. Uh, example that you gave and the, the, the key to that whole piece around empathy is going within yourself first to find that feeling within yourself.

Where have you felt that feeling before and connect to that feeling within you. And then you get into that ditch with the person and go, I can, I can, I don't know what it feels like for you, but I can relate to the experience from my perspective and just be there in that space with you. And that's connection and that's empathy.

And that's a space where you can start to listen, which is really important. I think is probably one of the most important skills that anybody can have in particular in, in, in, in leadership is the ability to actually listen and observe [00:17:00] and think before you respond. And, you know, that's why when you do the work of self discovery, you start with doing that for yourself.

So you have that anchor of what does that feel like to be in that space with myself? And sometimes that means going into the discomfort within yourself, right? And, and being in that place of discomfort and not trying to shut it down. Or, uh, close the door on it or, or bury it or ignore it or pretend like it's not there.

It's actually going right into the discomfort without the judgment, without the expectations, without trying to even just solve it and just being there and listening. And that's, that's the starting point I think of consciousness because then you're able to start to hear and see things differently. when we look at the [00:18:00] Hawkins map of consciousness, which you mentioned earlier, and I'm sure that we'll have an overlay of that map as well.

Uh, what it shows you is this range of emotions and a few different fields of awareness, and it's a scale. So it goes from sort of lower range emotions and a very narrow field of awareness up to higher range of emotions and a broader field of awareness. And if you are in, not able to work through the discomfort of the lower level experiences, which all of us have, and we can go into these throughout the conversation, uh, then you're not able to actually find enough space to shift your perspective on what these experiences that feel uncomfortable and don't feel great to be in.

And, you know, you might refer to them as triggers or traumas. Or any other word that, [00:19:00] that relates, that, that puts you into that space of discomfort. The way to get through them is to, to be in it and to have enough space to find what was the lesson here? How can I Find the perspective that's going to help me shift out of being this in this emotion and into a place of more compassion, of more love, of more joy.

And you know, that doesn't come easily to us as humans, right? We're not, we're not in the habit of, or we're not taught how to shift the perspective on what we might call a negative experience and find, well, how Where was the seed of good in what was, what might've been a bad experience so that I can actually unhook my attention and my energy from it and move past it and move out of it and not keep reliving this experience over and over again.

Yeah, I think it's interesting because I think we're taught all the time, you know, when we have difficult things in our life or challenging things that, [00:20:00] oh, like, what's the lesson did I learn, you know, and it's almost always on the end of it is, you You know, what did I learn from this? Or as when we learn about resilience, it's like, even when you're kind of in the middle of it, it's like, I got to quit saying like, but it, um,

my brain just froze there for a second. So, yeah, when you're, you know, when you're working through things. It's okay. I think people have gotten pretty good at saying, okay, this challenging situation in my life is, um, is helping me. It's helping me to become a better person. It's helping me to grow. But I think this, what you're talking about, takes it to a different level.

I don't know if it's to a different level or a different, there's a shift there. Instead of just recognizing that what's happening or what has [00:21:00] happened was. What did I learn? What benefit did I gain from all of this is to ' cause our, our inclination is always, I just wanna get, I just wanna get through this, I just wanna get over it.

Mm mm

Just, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. See what you're, yeah. Yeah. Just sit with it. Yeah. And, and be okay with sitting with it. That's the hard part.

Yes. Yes. So, uh, so much to, so much to unpack. So coming from the yoga and meditation space, I'll start with a story actually. So when I started practicing yoga, it was definitely not for the you know, emotional and, and, and mental and spiritual benefits.

It was very much just the physical practice. I came across the class at the gym and I loved it because I felt so relaxed afterwards. I was like, wow, where has this been all of my life? And, um, it [00:22:00] started as a, as a really physical practice, which I loved. And it was that for many, many years. And then over time, it, as I grew and evolved and my life circumstances changed, I tapped into different parts of what yoga is as a philosophy.

and different aspects of yoga and the eight paths of yoga, which maybe is another discussion that we can have at a separate time. And really the physical practice is like a gateway into the actual philosophy of yoga. you know, yogic living of, and yoga means to yoke, to, to unite, to bring together all of the parts of who you are, mind, body, and spirit and realize, realize your wholeness.

So when I started to look, practice more of the other, other practices around harnessing your attention and, and your focus, it was, it was not, didn't come to me naturally. It was really challenging. And, um, Initially, when I started meditating, it was a lot of guided meditations [00:23:00] because I am a very active person and sitting and meditating and finding stillness and quiet was just at that point in my life was way beyond my capacity.

So it was very much around guided meditations. And then as I practiced more of that, then I was able to find a bit more space to sit in stillness without guidance, but the mind was still really busy. There was still a lot of chatter. And then, you know, the more I practiced, the more I was able to come into a place of peace.

But it was a, it is a practice, you know, it does take time. And I think I've mentioned this before, that the idea is. initially not to have, you don't start with a quiet mind. We're not even trying to quiet your minds. You're just being able to stop and create some space to see and feel and experience what's happening inside of [00:24:00] you, right?

Because if you're constantly running through life from one thing to the next, one thing to the next, you're not really conscious of how you're living. Okay. You're running on autopilot. And this is how a lot of us live for much of our lives. It's like, you know, wake up, work, do all the things at work, all the meetings, come home.

If you have children, it's all this kid stuff. And then, you know, kids go to sleep and then it's all the home stuff. And it's, there's no space to stop and reflect and think. And this is where that Victor Frankl quote comes in, is around creating space so that you're not constantly reacting to life. You're able to.

Step back and evaluate what's happening and what's the best response that I can have, what's the most considered. action that I can take, what are some alternative options that might be available to me if I'm able to see a bit more of what the picture of my life is painting for me, both in the moment and also in the grand scale of my life [00:25:00] as well.

And so I think it does start with this practice of stopping and becoming aware of what's happening in your inner landscape. And if you've never done that, then it is uncomfortable. It's noisy and it's uncomfortable and that's okay. And that's a big part of the coaching that I do with people is to go, how do we get you to a place where you're just okay being in discomfort?

And when, when I start with people, it's, uh, one of my recent mentoring clients actually started doing, uh,

audio course. And, you know, it was around a specific health condition and she was doing that and we were also having mentoring sessions. And she said to me, you know, I get to this point in the hypnotherapy audio where I start to relax and then I start to feel anxious and I feel this panic come on and all these stories start coming up [00:26:00] and then I feel like I can't get through it.

And then I get more anxious because I really want to do the course and get the health outcomes and then the spiral of anxiety starts and so I'm like, okay, well, let's slow down for a second. And, you know, we think that healing is. you feel not so great about something and you're given a prescription and you take the pill and it's, you know, one plus one equals two, but it's actually not like that.

You know, especially when you're doing it mindfully, it's kind of like you start and you know where you want to end up. But the process is actually just meeting everything that comes to you on the way. So rather than seeing that experience in the moment of anxiety as an obstacle to the objective, what's showing up for you in the moment is exactly what you need to be meeting.

Right? So then we sat with the story of what was this anxiety story that was coming up for her, [00:27:00] you know, and she, and she told me about that. I'm like, well, so rather than trying to ignore it and push through it and judge that it's coming up and you're not going to achieve your goals and all these stories that start adding onto the existing story, let's slow it down and take it back and just be with that story and be curious about that.

Why is that coming up for you? Because you've now stopped in life, which you haven't done. This is, you know, the lady that I was working with is a hyper. High achieving career woman, a lot of responsibility, has, also has children, like, very, very high functioning, successful person, and, and, so, you know, I said to her, let's slow it down a little bit and meet what's coming up, because You've created space and this is what's arising for you.

So part of your healing journey is actually acknowledging this because this is, this is part of the stuff where your energy is stuck, you know, where some of those lower level emotions and, and stories that you have are keeping your energy trapped. And Well, this to come up for you now, it means that you're ready to look at it and [00:28:00] resolve it and be in that discomfort.

And then you can go into the practices of, okay, well, what, what was the upside of a downside? What was the benefit of this difficult situation and do that and, and let that be your practice for the next couple of days. Don't try and force, don't try and push through the audio. So she did that for a couple of days and then got back in contact and she was like, yeah, Guess what?

I was able to push her to the next part of the audio when I, when I sat with this experience and, you know, we went through the breakthrough that she had and then, you know, it was really emotional for her and it was really, it was emotional cause it was liberating. It was like, trapped anxiety around this story that she had that was now like, I don't have to carry that around anymore.

I was ready to look at it. I was just, it's, it's free. I can breathe through that now. And that's, That's the healing. You know, we think that what's coming up is a distraction, but one of the biggest practices is be with what's there with you in the moment. It's not there by accident. And that's [00:29:00] trusting the process.

It's funny because you said something early on that it's like, um, how is this painting or what, what is life painting for you right now? And it's like, it, that is so counterintuitive to the world that we live in, because the hardest thing I think most people have is letting go of control. And I'm not just talking about controlling everything in your environment, which a lot of us would love to do.

I'm talking about even controlling what goes on inside of us. We are so conditioned to, okay. You know, I have these goals, I have, you know, I have, like you said, I have all these check mark things I have to do today. And if I'm not reaching my goals and meeting all these metrics, you know, even in my own personal life, um, then I'm not being successful.

I'm not, I'm not being productive. I'm not [00:30:00] doing all of these things that I've been conditioned my whole life that I should do. And, You know, in our first session together, that was probably one of the hardest things with me was just letting go of control and just saying, Okay, I'm not saying I know this is people are gonna be like, Oh, you're just gonna sit back and do nothing and hope life works out the way you want it to.

That's not, that's not what you're saying or what I'm saying. But when you let go of that control, it just means, Okay, this is like you said what's supposed to be happening in your life right now. And instead of fighting it, just go with it. And then when you go with it, then you can move on to the next.

You know, whatever is kind of showing up in your life. And that is really, I don't, I think people underestimate how incredibly difficult that is. That's why we practice doing it. We don't just say, Oh, I'm going to let go. And then, you know, we let go.

Yeah. I mean, that [00:31:00] would be great if we can get to that place.

Cool. Something's hitting my stuff and I'm just going to let it be. But, you know, I think it's a really important point because

A lot of us carry every, everyone carries around emotional baggage. Some of it we're aware of and some of it we're not aware of. Okay. It's, and all emotional baggages are experiences that we've had that still have an emotional charge to it. Right? And so what happens is that that experience is. within us.

And, you know, maybe this is a discussion for another time, but emotions are actually hormones that get secreted through the body. And if we don't process an experience that has had an emotional impact on us all the way through to completion, As in, we've felt it all the way through, and we've thought it all the way through to a point where it doesn't overwhelm us again, when we think [00:32:00] about it, then those hormones get locked into our cells and organs in different parts of our body.

And anytime, anything that resembles that experience happens around us, that whole experience gets reactivated in our body. So even if it's not the same experience, which, you know, it's not, it's never the same experience, but if it's something that resembles that we relive. that incomplete experience that we had within our body.

And so if it's some of those emotions that are on the lower level of the Hawkins scale of consciousness, which are in that survival paradigm, in that victim paradigm, so anger, fear, guilt, shame, what's happening is we're constantly flooding our body with these survival hormones. And when we're in a survival state, we're not able to think as clearly.

We're not able to think as broadly. We're not, we don't have as much consciousness as we would if we weren't in a fight or flight survival mode. [00:33:00] And so the practice is being able to go, Oh, Hey, I've just been. People love to use the word trigger. I don't, I don't like that word very much. I, you know, I prefer something like activated, but that, that thought, so I've just been, this is, this experience has been activated.

I'm feeling all of these things rather than reacting in the way that I would normally react, whatever that is. Can I distance myself from the experience, be in the discomfort, feel it, and either If it's, if it's an opportunity where I can sit with it and use my toolkit to work it all the way through to understand how do I take the charge off this experience?

How do I bring it to completion, which is feeling it and thinking it all the way through. And there's methods and tools that you can do to do that. Or can I get enough space to just park it for now and come back to it at a time when I can deal with it later. And so when we, when I set people up for a personal practice, we just [00:34:00] start with, Very, very simple.

I, you know, we don't start with, Hey, you're going to sit down and meditate for 20 minutes because that's totally unrealistic for most people. I, I didn't even start that way. We start with, you know, and there's a method to how we get to what's going to work for each person, but we start with, can you just carve out five minutes of your day to just be?

To just, and that might be me giving them a guided meditation or it might be, uh, you know, a journaling practice. It's, it's bioindividual. So it's, it's relative to each person's nature and preferences, but can you just, can you just have five minutes where it's just a reflection time? And that's how you start to build the practice of, Stopping of finding space so that you can then introduce the tools to go, how do I unhook myself from these emotions and start to see a bit more of what's happening in the moment of what else can be true of what's another option of how I [00:35:00] respond to this, to this experience.

Because you can think about it like when you're in a raging. Hot mess, you know, like if you get angry in traffic or whatever, it's like, you don't see anything except for what's made you angry in that moment, you know, and you're not going to make great choices. And, but that is not just in traffic. It's in other circumstances as well, you know, whether it's work or, or people.

And so, you know, the, the better that you get at recognizing what activates you, you know, what are the scenarios, what are the experiences, and then you have all these different tools in your toolkit of, of how to resolve that. Um, yeah, the, the, the more awareness you can bring to your choices and actions and therefore your impact.

You're going to think all I do is sit around and read books, but a book came to mind. And most people have read this book, but it's the body keeps the score. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And as you're [00:36:00] talking, that's the book that came to mind is, you know, you can tell by how your body is reacting. Um, I wouldn't say what's going on cause you need to identify what's going on and that's kind of a process, but you can tell that when your body feels liberated, it's much more relaxed and in a state of mind where you can reach these different levels of consciousness.

And if your body isn't relaxed and in that kind of state, then you've got to figure out what's going on. why your body is behaving the way it is because it's telling you something's going on that you need to work on.

Yes. Yeah. And I'm going to come back to that because something that you said earlier around, you know, it's not about sitting back and thinking, you know, life's just going to happen and I'm going to sit here and, and not, it's, you know, I think it's very important to have your vision and your purpose in mind.

of where you're, where you would like your life to go, what you're working towards, and then your values [00:37:00] of what's important to you. And then you're, you're on this path of going to where you want to go in life, but you have, you know, flexibility on how you get there. Okay. And, and you have the capacity to meet what shows up for you on the way, and you have the tools to be able to work through what shows up for you on the way as well.

And so I think one of the things that people don't, Uh, account for is not really spoken about is when you set yourself a goal or an objective or a target to do something that's beyond your current capacity, you know, to put, to push your own limits, that naturally means that you need to find more energy, right?

Find another version of yourself to push through that threshold because you're breaking a ceiling and then you're pushing through a threshold. So that's naturally going to bring up more experiences. that you are hooked into that are keeping you stuck for you to resolve. And that's not a [00:38:00] bad thing. You know, I think sometimes people think when I'm going through a new chapter or a new era of life, this is the discussion that we had around.

Maybe it's not a crisis. Maybe it's just growth. Yeah. This is, this is where it's good to have these tools, like being able to look at the Hawkins. map of consciousness. There's many, many other tools as well. There's so many different maps that you can use, but to say, okay, well, if I'm having this response, what's the feeling, what's the emotion that's coming up?

What's the scenario that it's bringing up for me? And then how can I resolve this to find more energy, right? And that's what it's trying to tell you is you've got trapped energy within your system that if you freed it up, it's going to turn into rocket fuel to help you get to where you're going. And that's the power of these, of, of doing like the self discovery work and, and all the things that we're speaking about is actually understanding the language of your body.

Your body is constantly communicating to you. Our [00:39:00] bodies are constantly communicating to us. And we're not, we're not really taught how to understand that language or, you know, what it might be telling us and what to do, what to do with it, right? Like I'm feeling angry, I'm feeling all these things, or I'm feeling like very stimulated right now.

I'm feeling like excessively joyful that I can't focus. What do I do with that? What is that telling me? You know, how do I get back to equilibrium and balance so that I can be functional and effective? It's not always bad stuff. Sometimes the great stuff is really distracting as well. So how do you bring yourself back to emotional and mental equilibrium to be able to get to where you're, you know, where you're going in life.

And, and I, you know, I work mostly with females, so I can only really speak, uh, from experience in, in that sense is, uh, a lot of, a lot of us as women don't have great relationships with our bodies. Right. It's, it's this constant thing of like, it doesn't do what I want it to do, you know, it's like, doesn't look how I want it to [00:40:00] look.

And there's a, there's a lot that we do around. Actually, we start with the nervous system to get us out of fight or flight, flight, get us out of the survival response. And then once we're out of that space, then we start to go, okay, well, how do we listen to the language of the body and what it's telling us in the moment?

Because that's where you start to feel into your intuition. That's where you start to receive your inspiration. And then, you know, how do we transfer that into action and into our, you know, into the mental space and into plans?

Yeah, I like that. I, I'm glad you, you know, tacked on there because I, I do think that.

When I mentioned, you know, letting go of control, it's just so ingrained in us to take control of everything that when, when I said, you know, letting go of control, that's a very scary thing in terms of, you know, it feels like you're [00:41:00] jumping off a cliff. And you don't know, you know, is, is there going to be a soft landing kind of thing?

Are there any trees or some branches I can grab on to along the way, you know? I want to plan my fall. You know, I'm not, don't just jump off the cliff kind of thing. And, um, I like the way you framed it so that, you know, you're not, Letting go of control to everything that's happening. And you're like, you know, you're all of a sudden becoming a spectator in your life, but instead you're actually gaining more energy so that you can achieve those higher levels.

I really, I really, really like that. So,

yeah, yeah, control is. An interesting one. You know, I don't think we should my, my personal experience and what I've seen with the people that I work with is that you can only really hope to control your thoughts. And that's, [00:42:00] that's where it's. having the ability to sit down and get perspective on, on reality, right?

Because our minds are meaning making machines. And if we are not actively examining what are the stories that it's creating, what is the meaning that it's assigning? What are the beliefs that have been formed? Then it's just running the scripts and the programs that have been in there since childhood.

And sometimes they're helpful and sometimes they're not. And so, and, and when they're not, that's when we're in scenarios in life where we feel like, Why is this happening again and again and again? And why am I experiencing this? Or I would rather not have this experience again. And that's when you sort of have to sit down and examine where did this belief come from?

Where did this story come from and what else can be true? And so that's not controlling, [00:43:00] that's increasing your awareness and increasing your self mastery and, and your level of consciousness so that Yeah, you're not living life on autopilot and equally you're not, to our point from last week, the discussions that we had, the discussion that we had last week around spheres and of influence.

You're not trying to control everything that's happening around you because that's unrealistic. You're showing up as the impact that you, that you are. want to see. And that's both how you have natural boundaries and also how you magnetize what you want in life because you're clear on, on who you want to be, where you want to go, the impact that you want to have, the connections, the quality, all of that kinds of stuff.

It's not about controlling what's happening around you. It's about making decisions that are aligned with that. So yeah, letting go of control is. It can feel scary for sure. Something that I still work on every single day [00:44:00] as well. Um, but it's a false sense of control. It's an illusion.

It's like the, the way that I see it is like you and I can be sitting in the exact same room and looking at the same thing, listening to the same person speak and have two completely different perspectives and experiences of what's happening.

And that is an indication of our level of consciousness, how much we're able to take in and what meaning we assign to it and what perspective we are able to take.

that was perfect. Cause you led right into this and what stories that you brought up the idea of stories.

What stories do we tell ourselves about things like, you know, I guess the first example, practical example, that comes to my mind is when, um, when we got this new puppy in our house, um, It was like having a baby . It wants, the puppy needs to get up in the night. And I'm like, Ooh, I'm not [00:45:00] 20 . This isn't so much fun now.

But, you know, my husband and I both agreed that we wanted the puppy and it was a wonderful, it's been a wonderful experience. But, um, we also have two other little dogs that are a little bit older and now they're wanting to get up in the night, you know, like four 30 in the morning or whatever. And so I hear my dog get up in the night.

I hear it scratch at the bedroom door to say, you know, I need to go out or whatever, or I just want to go get a drink of water, kind of thing, and, um, and I lay there and I think, oh, why isn't my husband getting up and taking care of these dogs? Why isn't he, you know, I'm tired. I don't feel good. I'm, this is, oh, and you know, you know, we've all been there for whatever reason.

Expectations of the other party, whatever circumstance it is. Yeah.

Yeah. But I can tell myself a different story. Mm-Hmm. , I can tell myself, [00:46:00] wow. I know my husband got to, to, um, bed late. He had to work and he's really tired and I know he's also gotta get up early. And, um, he really does a lot for me and I really appreciate all the things he does for me.

And so, yeah, maybe I'm not feeling so good right now, but, you know, hey. I'll just get up and I'll see what the dog wants and take care of the dog. It's all in the stories that we tell ourselves. And you know, in our relationships with other people and in our interactions with other people, we need to become more conscious because becoming more conscious allows us to change the stories we tell ourselves.

And when we can change the stories we tell ourselves, And from a broader perspective and look at things through a different lens, it helps us to raise our levels of consciousness, to find more joy and more, you know, happy. If you [00:47:00] look on that scale, you know, it moves us up the scale. Otherwise, we're in this lighter fight or flight mode of, Oh, this isn't exactly fun.

Fight or flight, but it's like, I'm tired. I don't feel good. I'm in the bottom of that scale. You know, I'm just angry. I'm angry because my husband didn't get up and take care of the dog. Doesn't he know I'm sick? Doesn't he know I don't feel good? Yep. You know, so.

And, and you know what, that for me is life.

That's life. That is your experience of life is exactly what you just described as in your, for every single person. It's. What is the perspective that we choose to take? And if it's not making us feel good, and if it's not getting the results that we would like to have, then it is about taking ownership of that, taking extreme ownership of it.

And Rewriting [00:48:00] the stories skillfully, masterfully, so that we are able to get ourselves out of victim consciousness and into empowerment, into creator mode, into making choices that do lead to the outcomes that we want, you know, to do that do lead to elevate experiences with people and quality of life.

And, and that is, that is in our power to do that, not necessarily easy, but. It's also not easy to live, you know, in, in ways and moods and feelings that don't feel so great as well. So it is a choice and yeah, definitely not saying it's easy, but it is possible. And that's the key to shifting your experience of life.

And when you're able to do that for yourself. and you see how powerful that is, then you're able to hold that transformative space for other people as well. And that's, that to me is conscious leadership, because then you're showing up as the impact that you want to see in the world. And you're able to lead by example.

[00:49:00] and show people what's possible. And, and some people are not going to like that, but that's okay. That's their journey for themselves. And, and, and, you know, they, it kind of gives you an indication of where they are on that scale and they're in the victimhood scale or they're in the empowerment level of the scale.

And that's okay. You can allow people their journey as well.

Knowing that on any given day, we can be anywhere on that scale.

Yeah. And so, Absolutely. Absolutely. So, you know, for me, I look at, for example, uh, the level of unconditional love and in many ways, I mean, there's so much context and depth to this.

It's really not like something you can cover in a one hour podcast, but it's a good, it's a good reference point. But I look at the level of unconditional love as a aspirational goal. And when I feel myself drop into fear, you know, anxiety, then I ask myself, A question like [00:50:00] what would love to, you know, how would love choose in this scenario to achieve that perspective shift to broaden my perspective and to kind of like lift myself out of that, that, that ditch of that feeling of, you know, what fear might be feeling like, because our, our biology is wired for survival.

Right, for procreation and survival. That's what our nervous system is. Our nervous system is wired for that to keep us safe and to, to make sure that we around, you know, through, uh, offspring for perpetuity, so our brain on default mode, our brain on default mode, it's like those radars that you see that are constantly scanning the environments, like going, like sweeping the environment constantly.

And anything that's a potential threat or opportunity on the radar is a beep, you know, so it's like, beep, beep, but the beeps are for, That fight or flight mode, it's for survival. [00:51:00] And so that comes really natural to us. What doesn't come naturally is for example, gratitude. That's why we have things like gratitude practices.

Gratitude doesn't come naturally to us. We're not wired to spot the good things in life because we need to stay safe. No, that's the top priority, staying safe. But most of us are like pretty safe in our general, you know, Of course there's, you know, stimulation and things like that, which the body can misread as danger.

Okay. But it's not a life threatening circumstance, but, but that's how the body is taking it on. That's, that's, you know, if you're, if someone looks at you in a way that doesn't, Fit in with how they normally look at you. Or if you're, you've got a deadline coming up where your boss speaks to you in a certain way or someone's tone, whatever it is, traffic, lights, all your notifications that you haven't read, all the people that you haven't responded to.

Right. It's like stimulation, stimulation. We, they're not life threatening circumstances, but [00:52:00] they are the things that cause us. anxiety in the lives that we live in. And so that radar of, you know, scanning for danger is constantly beeping on all these things that are actually misreads. And so we're getting this misread on life of like, there's constant stress.

There's constant anger and everything's adding to it. And then we're at this tipping point, right? So the importance of having something like a gratitude practice, however, that looks like for you is you're rewiring your natural biology to spot the good things, as well as. The bad things. And there's some statistic around, you know, for example, if you, if you, if you.

If you give someone a bad remark or, or criticize them, it takes like five positive compliments to get back to an, an equilibrium state. That's, that's how the effect that it has on your biology. So you have to train yourself to spot, Hey, this person was really kind. Hey, this was a great thing that happened to me.

There was a synchronicity. I had some luck and good chance. And that's how you switch your mind from, Oh, life is happening to me to, Hey, look at all these [00:53:00] great things. It is a practice. It does take effort and it's a choice that you, that you need to make. So you can see more of reality because those things are always there, but the question is, are we, are we noticing them?

Are we taking the time and effort to acknowledge them and appreciate them and create more of those feel good experiences within ourselves?

Yeah, I think that's a great note to end on that, you know, it is a practice and it's, this isn't something that's easy and it's not something it's like, oh, I, here I am today on the chart.

Um, I'm in victimhood today and I've worked my way up here. I'm happy and joyful and all these wonderful things. And then the next day, I may just be right back down in, in victimhood, but at least getting those tools. And learning how to get yourself out, you're not going to stay in victimhood as long and you will find, you know, that your relationships are more [00:54:00] meaningful and the connections that you have with people around you and with the world around you are going to be a lot more happy.

Yes.

Yeah, more, more power versus force. Yes, exactly. Back to the book, power versus force. So, well, thank you so much for your time today. And thank you.

Thank you so much. Have a great week.

Leadership in the 21st Century - What is Conscious Leadership?